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Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)

Ladies and gentlemen the search is finally over, I believe I really have found the worst attempt at a horror film or any form of cinema for that matter. I know that is an overused statement, describing it as the worst film you have ever seen. Usually I’d say it’s an dramatic summary of a poor experience with a film that doesn't always sit too well with you. However this is not that experience and when I tell you that this is the worst film I have ever seen I honestly mean it. The majority of this film is compiled of extremely long and unnecessary filler scenes. I would say at a guess I sat and watched traffic for at least 30 minutes, this happens straight away for a very long and excruciating 5 minutes. I originally put this down as a device for the opening credits but this then happens again multiple times once our main cast are traveling from one point to another via car. Along with this, there are so many other scenes that lack any sort of relevance or purpose to the plot that seem to last an eternity. One that stood out to me in particular was when a solar panel sales man turns up at our main protagonists (I'm not even going to try and remember the names of the cast here as no-one else certainly will) house and they have the most awkward 10 minute conversation and then there is a 5 minute still shot of a roof. It’s as if they went through the film and decided which bits they could get away with extending to make up the time. I've seen terrible acting and this film has more than its fair share of it, but let me just say nothing quite possibly compares to the lead played by Alan Bagh. He gives one of the most wooden and robotic performances I have ever witnessed. If I was told that this was his passion project and that he cast himself in the role I would have no trouble believing that, but he was genuinely selected to be the lead. Every line he says sounds like he is reading directly from an autocue, it’s so monotone. There isn't even the slightest bit of range throughout his performance. Even just the basics like walking in a straight-line are comical, looking very reminiscent of an early installment from the Grand Theft Auto games. The visual effects are done by Yeung Chang and I call him out by name as I feel someone needs to be held accountable for this abomination. We are first introduced to the standard of the CGI birds during a romantic walk when a flock fly onto the screen and lands in a tree. Honestly, I was lost for words at this point. It's not until the 50 minute mark before we begin to see any signs of a "Birdemic" and when we do it is the same bird copied and pasted next to each other on screen. In the multiple scenes in which we see some of the birds being shot from the sky it is literally the same recycled shots used repeatedly. To top all of this off, a falling plane sound effect is used over the top like something from a Loony Tunes cartoon. In addition to the traumatising special effects we have an accompanying sound design that isn't much better. With the audio levels constantly all over the place and regular background noise interference, the only scares this film has is the shock you experience as you are woken from boredom by the sudden quick change in volume. The score is clearly made up from what ever was freely available on the Internet, mostly sounding like the generic music you would expect to hear at a supermarket in most Hollywood films. The sound effects used for the birds themselves is a singular repetitive squawking noise that still haunts my dreams when I close my eyes at night. The environmental message surrounding this film is so in your face yet so overshadowed by the abomination that is 'Birdemic' that it leaves you wondering what was the point in all of this. With every attack scene that came and went, I began genuinely routing for the eagles to succeed so this film would be over. It is genuinely shocking but I would like to challenge each and everyone of you to go and watch it and tell me if you can find anything out there that is worse than this.



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